Life Advice: Making Decisions For Yourself – Comparison, Jealousy & Competition?

In this modern and technological day and age, it’s very easy to look at someone else and compare what you have with them, whether that be appearance, personality, money, job, lifestyle, etc.

But why do we do it to ourselves?

The content in this blog post is something that I feel quite strongly about because I guess most people only ever see pictures of my life with no story behind what went on before I could even post the photo.

I think sometimes we forget that people only post what they want you to see and perceive on their life on their social media, but they never see what the person’s life is like behind closed doors. You could be close friends with the person and have no clue what is going on with their life because they could just be a private person who doesn’t reveal much on their private life.

I’ve never seen the point of being jealous of other people or comparing my life to other people’s lives because we are all at different stages in life and you should be happy for people who are doing well and supporting those who need a little help to get to the place they want to be.

People need to learn to accept that there will always be people that are doing better than them in life at the current moment.

We all live in a world where the goal is money. Money provides status and money is everything. But having all the money in the world doesn’t make you happy if you don’t find happiness in yourself first. When you feel like you’ve worked hard to earn the money to enjoy it then some people can find happiness from that. But if you expect money to be handed to you, then some people may not feel as fulfilled because it wasn’t something they earned themselves through hard work. I mean we all talk about how the word ‘materialistic‘ is such a bad word. But, when you think about when you were a child and you made a Christmas list for Santa about what you wanted…

Couldn’t you class that as being materialistic at a young age?

So, in a way aren’t we all materialistic in some aspects?

I don’t necessarily see being ‘materialistic’ as a bad thing if you’ve earned the right to spend your own money on things you enjoy. People probably think that as a shopaholic that I spend every single penny of my wage as soon as I get it, and it isn’t entirely true. I set myself a small percentage of my wage that I allow myself to spend, and the other larger percentage will go into my Savings Accounts and my ISAS, which I can’t touch.

I’ll openly admit that I am materialistic, but only because I work hard to purchase the things I do. I work two jobs and could be working 6 or 7 days a week depending on work demand. This blog is like having a third job, as I try really hard to produce high-quality content that people will enjoy every time I post and I write these posts on my only days off and schedule them for different days. But, people don’t see how hard I work because I don’t post pictures of me at work because that would look a little odd. I work my two jobs to afford the lifestyle I do because I believe in self-sufficiency and I don’t like to depend on my parents to pay for things for me because I’m old enough to earn my own money to pay for things I want. I’m already saving for my future house deposit now because I want to say I bought something completely by myself.

Being a self-confessed online shopaholic doesn’t mean that I don’t also have the ability to save any money because I’m actually really good at saving money for things that really matter. For example, when I used to work at Boots as a Pharmacy Counter Assistant, I put my whole 3-months wage of my temporary contract into my university savings account at the time and that money would have made life easier whilst being at university. I mean of course I decided against the idea of going to university in the end, but after saving for so many years and continually adding to my bank account from the pocket money I got from my parents and from my jobs, my birthdays, Chinese New Year and Christmas money I now have a good sum of money to put towards my future house deposit.

When you plan for things earlier in your life, like I knew at the time when I was a younger child that I wanted to go to university, I started to save early. Saving your money earlier will help your future so much more than people think, it lessens your money worries and will make the process of big investments, such as university, a house, a mortgage or even your first car seem so much easier as you already have money in your savings. So really if you don’t have any savings in your account and you’re looking at other people and wondering how they have what they do or if you’re jealous of what they have, just wonder if it is something you may be doing wrong. Whether that be if you’ve ever had a job to fund for things you want or if you have a savings account to help to save for your future and things that matter. Because you can easily turn that around and help yourself by getting a job and setting up a savings account and before you know it you’ll be buying all the things you’ve dreamed of in life because you know you worked hard to put that money into your account to be able to spend. Currently, I’ve opened a new Savings Account just for all of my wage that I get from working at the pharmacy and I’ve only spent a small amount since I started working there just because I set myself the goal of a house deposit.

I think jealousy and envy are two words that are easily confused.

I believe that jealousy is a bad emotion to feel because you’re resenting someone for what they have. Being envious of someone is longing to have what someone has, and can be seen as more positive, because if you’re envious you tend to wish you had what they have and you’re more complimentary about it. If you have people that are more jealous than envious in your life you need to think about the kind of people you allow into your life. Envious friends are more supportive and would compliment you on your success. Whereas, jealous friends will only drag you down by being negative about your success and they will make you feel as though you are not deserving of something.

With jealous friends, they tend to be very negative. I’ve gone through a recent phase where I have dropped all contact with people who I thought were friends and had to block them off my social media because I didn’t appreciate people making me feel bad for how hard I work to have the things I do. I realised that they never complimented me on my success and would only make jealous statements about the way I choose to live my life. I felt as though I couldn’t share anything with them as they would react badly to it, and it just made me feel as though there wasn’t any point in the friendship if I couldn’t tell them about things that made me happy.

Jealous friends also tend to be the type of people who like to create competition with you that you didn’t even want to be a part of or even know you were part of. As I said at the start, I’m not a jealous person and I always love seeing people who may be doing better than me in life because they act as my inspiration, and I also like to help other people because it gives me a feeling of joy when I can do something to actively help another person out. But when jealous friends start to compare their GCSES and A-Level results, what house you live in, what cars you drive, who’s social media is better, who wears better clothes and all the small petty things in life that don’t matter, you know they aren’t worth your time. The other person eventually wears themselves out trying to keep up with the competition they created in their own heads and the person who didn’t even start the competition is the one that gets blamed if everything doesn’t work out for the jealous person.

Being jealous of other people won’t get you any further in life because of the mindset you’re in.

You need to feel inspired by those who may be doing better and take notes of why they may be doing better and you will get there yourself. But comparing yourself to another person isn’t worth it because you are your own person and you should live your life the way that makes you happy and not what other people tell you to do.

The only person you should be competing with is yourself.

You should always be trying to improve yourself and aim higher and make goals that are achievable for yourself because there is no greater feeling than when you prove yourself wrong and do something that you thought you could never achieve. If you work on this basis you will achieve anything you want to in life, because you are constantly pushing yourself to be better.

If you set out with a positive mindset that you will accomplish something, you’ll produce a better quality of work, you’ll notice that more things fall into place, you’ll just be a happier person in general.

If things in life don’t work out the way you want temporarily, then don’t let yourself go into a negative downward spiral. I learnt this myself the hard way when I didn’t get the AS-Levels that I wanted the first time around, but after a week of feeling sorry for myself and crying about it every day, I decided I needed to figure out why it went wrong and I needed to set a new plan to achieve better results. I decided to change college, make new friends and change the way I revised. All of these new changes made me feel more positive and more able to work harder to achieve the grades I wanted. After working so hard over that year I opened my results and broke down in happy tears because I exceeded what I thought I would achieve. Your mindset is so important and will dictate how motivated and determined you feel towards a certain goal and some people need to work harder to change their mindset to allow themselves to achieve what they dreamed of, as mindset is often the main reason why people can’t do something like losing weight, stopping the need to smoke, drinking less alcohol, etc.

Another thing that I don’t believe in is when people say…

“Jenny you have a perfect life, you have nothing to be sad about or to complain about.”

I don’t mean for it to sound ungrateful when I say to people that I don’t have a ‘perfect life’ because I know how fortunate I am. I just say that I don’t believe in the ‘perfect life’ because you have to build your life the way you want it. I want to build a life that I don’t depend on anyone but myself to get places. I want to make a set of friends that I can trust and depend on and do everything with. I want to find a job that I know I will love to do. I want to close the long-distance gap between me and my boyfriend. But, at the moment all of the listed things are something I’m working on to make my life near to ‘perfect’.

To summarise, stop comparing yourself to other people and start to work on bettering yourself. Stop looking at others and being jealous of what they have because you could have it too if you set yourself goals and work harder! Stop competing with other people and only compete with yourself to improve yourself! Do what makes you happy and don’t let anyone else dictate your decisions!

Hope you enjoyed reading this blog post, sorry that this is a little more of a ranty blog post!

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to my blog for future posts!

Love,

confessionsofonlineshopaholic@gmail.com

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4 Comments

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    • Reply theconfessionsofanonlineshopaholic March 12, 2017 at 8:24 pm

      Hi Kirsten,

      Thank you so much for your lovely comments and for your suggestion on making more blog posts on a similar topic to this blog post! I will definitely look into this when writing my future blog posts on my ‘life advice’ section, so thank you!

      Thank you for also being a loyal reader of my blog, it means so much to me as a small blogger!

      Jenny xo

  • Reply charandtheweb March 15, 2017 at 10:26 am

    I loved reading this. Jealousy is such a nasty thing, and though I think it is also a very human emotion to feel, it’s all about how we deal with it. When I see a friend succeeding where I am not, sure, I can be jealous, but the trick is to acknowledge the effort and hours she’s put in to get there. Jealousy then turns into being happy for and proud of your friend. I think the key is, like you mentioned, to stop comparing yourself with others. If we were all supposed to be doing the same thing this world wouldn’t be such a fun and dynamic place. Focus on you, and be a little selfish every now and then, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’ll all fall into place in the end.

    Fantastic read. I’d love to feature your article on Creators.co because I think it’ll definitely speak to our audience. Would you be interested in becoming a Creator? I’d love to give you some more information so feel free to shoot me an e-mail. Hope to hear from you.

    • Reply theconfessionsofanonlineshopaholic March 15, 2017 at 10:43 am

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog post and responding to my post so well!

      Yes I agree, I think being jealous can be a natural emotion but like you said, it’s about how we actually react and display the jealousy that can be the problem.

      That is honestly the best way to see things, because being jealous of someone is fine as long as you don’t resent a person for doing well.

      Yes I agree, I think instead of comparing one another we should be supporting one another to help each other get to a better place in life and your point about the world not being such a dynamic place is such a valid point!

      Thank you for the opportunity and I’d love to feature! Is there an email I can contact you on? If it’s any easier my email is confessionsofonlineshopaholic@gmail.com!

    Please leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts!